when i was little and i used to get sick my mom would pour me a glass of cola. the cup was always the same. it was like coppper looking. and had a bear at the bottom. the coke tasted so good and always made my belly feel so much better. sometimes when i take a sip i think of her.
is it wrong or whoreish that ive sex with 12 people and im 20 years old? or is that okay? i feel like its alot. but i just love to fuck.
1.stephen
2.harris
3.richard (was my bf of 3 years)
4.paul.(was my bf of 6 months)
5.jim
6.chris
7.chris
8.orlando kid
9.troy
10.chris
11.doug
12.henry.
theres my list. ponder it wisely.
okay so i finally have my internet running...as of right now...lets not be to hasty.
i havent been to the gym. actually i think one day i did and i havent written in here. actually i know thats right. the night i did legs again. unfortunately i dont feel like typing it out again...so your gonna have to wait. but yeah im being a major slacker right now. so screw it.
ive began to make an interest in a boy named Doug. he is best friends with troy. i had sex with him saturday. we're trying to hang out as much as possible but our work schedules are ridicolous. im really really (cant stress is enough) realllly trying not to get feelings for him. He and his girlfriend are like extremely fresh out of their relationship and i dont wanna think to much into whats going on with us because im not really trying to get my feelings hurt. although i kinda already have feelings invested in this stupid mess. its going smoothly so far though. and having sex with him was amazing. of course my sister doesnt approve. but its okay. my sweet sweet loving sister is a angel of a lady. so im used to her bashing my horrible habbits. im pleased with myself though.
work is slow. this weekend we got our ass kicked...well ass kicked is a little too rough. we had a good weekend. only $100 out of comp. which SUCKS. royally. i wanted a bonus. i feel so bad for chris. he had a really rough night last night and he has to wake up super early tomorrow for a conference call and then drive to orlando for some stupid meeting. i hate corporate. and even more than that, dave.
saturday im going to west palm to see a chorus concert with my pops. that...hopefully is cool. my dad and i got into a fight today. but hes so unreasonable overprotective over me. it really gets under my skin. anyway im probably going to the gym tomorrow so when i get home i'll do the update on the leg workout from the other day and then i think im gonna do bi's and tri's again.
GYM TODAY!
elliptical for 20 minutes. finished the mile in 15:30! yayyy! =) the whole 20min i did 1.29 miles and burned 129 calories. coincidence? maybe. im so happy i keep cutting my time down. i mean 15 min for a mile is horrible. i used to run a mile in 12minutes when i played lacrosse. i rocked that shit. uhh im so outta shape.
lunges/5lbs/3 sets of 10 (10 for each leg)
squats/10lbs/3 sets of 12
leg press/30lbs/3 sets of 20
calve raises/10lbs/3 sets of 15
hip abductions/2 sets of 70, 1 of 75/3 sets of 20
felt gooood.
so katie and i got into a fb fight. my sisters mad cuz im stubborn. which i cant argue. i mean i know i am. im not ashamed of it. i like being stubborn. its always hurt my feelings that katie just forgot about me when she left for college. it also makes me upset to think shes having an amazing 4 years of college and im still in vero. but im only mad for like a split second cuz i love what i have here. i dont miss getting wasted and drinking myself stupid. im happy i finally listened to chris and grew up. but anyway back to katie, she just makes me so mad. like how can you get mad that im getting mad at you for doing exactly what i knew would happen. i told her when she talked to me i doubt i will even see her. i told her i knew we werent gonna hangout even when she promised me we would. she called me once and i was working to go to a party. i said no. and then didnt hear from her. i mean sure i could have called her no problem but why would i after she told me she was coming wednesday and then i found out from fb that she came on monday. when tuesday was my day off? i could have seen her then. but she didnt even bother to tell me,. sounds like someone who doesnt really care about seeing me so why would i make the effort? okay so im stubborn. big deal. the only thing that came from her being a bitch is getting frazzled by this. but nothing will change. i never thought of her as a friend since she left.
i really hope chris gets his dang membership.
LAUREN CAME TO SEE ME AT WORK!
ALL PROGRESS IS PROGRESS!!!!!!!! =)
i cant make the font any bigger on that but i would if i could.seeing her smiling loving face today made all the pain go away. i never thought i could feel like that about a friend. ive never missed someone so much. especially this past week having katie be down and not even bother to see me. or elee like begging me to be her friend. no one loves me like lauren can. i hope this is a baby step in the right direction for us. i miss her so much. i cried so hard when we were hugging. god i really never thought i would care about having a friend that badly. probably cuz no one can understand me like she does. its incredible that i would fuck up our friendship so horribly.
chris told me he and josh were getting anytime fitness gym memberships this week or maybe he said next. either way im excited. new workout buddies! except their gonna be going late like i used to so i probably wont ever be there at the same time i am.
i think its very unfair that movie stars and athletes dont mingle with real people. i need to fuck Taylor Lautner. im reading eclipse for the third time.
oh i finished that horrible book. Last Chance Saloon by Marian Keyes. her first book i read was amazing and funny. this one sucked and actually 2 weeks to finish it. thats never happened before. i signed up for this book club thing online called goodreads.com and next time i check out a book from the library its gonna be a damn good one. cuz im never trucking so slow through another book again.
im really happy cuz chris has been telling me hes gonna set me up with a psychologists and he forgot! ive been off the hook for 2 days. i hope he doesnt read this so he doesnt remember. i mean i should go. it would really help me. and not become so easily depressed. i mean im always pretty much a sad person but days like today make me remember the good things and not to let me get down on myself.
this lame ass guy named Waldo...yeah Waldo...is trying to take me on a date. hmmm no thank you. i acutally considered it for like hmm 23 minutes but then i realized im truly not that desperate.
my mom called me wasted today. i wasnt happy. i was in such a good mood about lauren and i was excited to tell her about it since my mom was the only person i told about what was going on besides chris and josh. and she was wasted. slurring her words saying stupid things so i told her i loved her and hung up.
i cant find my chapstick.
im so hungry. do you think thanksgiving dinner leftovers is still eatable? im gonna try.
gym yesterday.
elliptical 20 min. finished the mile in 16 minutes again. burned 108 calories. the rest of the time i ran 1.25 miles. feels so good.
alternating between bis and tris.
all these are each arm for bis.
dumbbell curls/7.5lbs/3 sets of 10
overhead tricep extensions/10lbs/3 sets of 15
preacher curls/bar/3 sets of 12
tricep kickbacks/5lbs/3 sets of 12
bi machine/10lbs/3 sets of 20
tri machine/10lbs/3 sets of 20
hammer cable curls/10lbs/3 sets of 15
cable rope pulldowns/10lbs/3 sets of 15
incline dumbbell curls/7.5lbs/3 sets of 10
DIPPSSSS!/no weight/3 sets of 8
nothing important is going on in my life.
gymmmm! today was the earliest ive ever gone. except the time i went with brad when he was like showing me some exercises.there even that many people there. i saw this boy Ryan Lowther...it was awkward. we were both doing chest so he was around me the whole time i was lifting weights. i should have at least said hi but i was to nervous.
elliptical for 20 minutes. this time i finished the mile in 16 minutes!!! pretty damn cool right?? i burned 106 calories. im burning more calories than i eat lol. actually thats not funny. its really stupid.
push ups/no weight/3 sets of 8 (which made me mad cuz when i used to work out with troy i used to do push ups til he told me to stop and those 8 push ups were killing me)
chest press/5lbs/3 sets of 12
dumbbell flys/5lbs/3 sets of 20
cable chest press/7.5lbs/3 sets of 15
decline cable chest press/7.5lbs/3 sets of 12
tomorrow night im gonna go as well. bi's and tri's.
im so tired.
omarion ft. lil wayne- i get it in REALLY GOOOD.
im listening to this christmas cd my cousin jessamine let me have. i asked her to borrow a cd of a choir she thought was really good. i didnt really expect this. i was looking toward something more christian based. like hymns and psalms but this is a good choir. theres also just songs that are brass instruments. also something im not into. anyway thanksgiving dinner was a bust. i hate holidays. it makes me miss my mom. and thats like the worst feeling ever. especially since im programmed to hate her. she called when i was at susans so i got to talk to her. i wanted to burst into tears telling her how much i miss her but i didnt want her to know i did. i tried throwing out some rude comments but it didnt help my situation. i missed her loud obnoxious laughing. and her inappropriate comments that makes my nana smack her. i miss hugging her and i miss her telling me she loves me. i miss dancing on her feet and holding her hand to say prayers. hearing my aunt susan yell at her for picking at the turkey skin. i miss trying to sneak out early and just go back home and lay in bed and watch her read. ughhhh its not fair. she was such a good mommy i dont know what made her miss out on all of that for some scum bag.
so i basically slept all day so im not tired at all. every time i woke up and went back to sleep i had a dream about chris. it was pretty cool. the dreams were all really good to. it made up for my shitty day. jeff was texting me yelling at me about how he thought i locked moon on the back porch? i was like whoa dude i havent even been out there. i havent let rush out there alone so i dont know how that happened but thats cool if you wanna throw around insults when i didnt even do anything. i actually didnt say anything like that. i was more mature about it. i just explained that i havent been out there and that i thought it was rude of him to say something like that to me considering i had nothing to do with it. i guess he felt bad for acting like a mad man cuz he apologized after like 30 minutes so whatever.
so let me expand on my twilight saga team. im 100% team edward. edward and bella are amazing. jacob can not compare to the love they have for eachother. but i have been seeing all these interviews with taylor lautner before i saw new moon and he wasnt offered to come back for the 2nd movie because he was to small. like muscular wise. so he put on 30lbs of muscle. thats insane. 30lbs of pure muscle. when i saw the movie i was like wow he looks good. then when i saw it again i was thinking wow he has an amazing body. now im obsessed with his body and his personality. it seems like kristin and robert are really anti the fans and have reportedly said they are anti the fame that has come from these movies. but i was watching lopez tonight (a george lopez show) and hes so modest and down to earth. hes really into the fans. like this girl asked him a question and he got her name cuz she didnt say it in the beginning of the question and looked right at her answering the question instead of looking at the camera or looking back at george like most people do. i dont know it makes me want to switch sides to team jacob. but twilight book wise im still all about edward. its not my fault taylor has a better personality the robert. and a fucking gorgeous body.
i feel like everyone is gonna be in the gym tomorrow so im gonna go saturday lol.
